This is the storm before the calm.

I really thought we were through.
I mean, as time progressed, you moved on, I moved on. we were done with our friendship.
yet you still continue to bother me? to pick on me?
Do you miss me? is that what it is? because I think it's almost clear that you want to rekindle the old friendship flame we had going on.
you have a life, and I have mine. really...live it. why include someone you don't care about in it? why worry about what I do? why even bother ?
there are so many questions I'm willing to ask you...but we'd be here for a while. I just don't get the point. If you want to look like the bigger person, if you want to really make me look like shit - stop attempting to make me feel bad, or make me cry, or whatever the case may be. because really, all you're doing is making YOURSELF look like an asshole. last time I checked, you had the balls here. I'm merely convinced.
I think I might be the one here with the guts to ignore every single comment you say.
It's been almost 2 years. I think I've had enough. and I don't think I can stand to bite my tongue any longer.
I know you'll never read this, and I can give 3 shits if you do. but really, this is just a way to express what I feel because no one can keep feelings like this cooped up for so long.
you need to STOP. and not because I care what you say, but because I'm getting 2nd hand embarrassment over here from you.
There's been times where I've missed our friendship - you can even admit, we had some funny times. we're both Pisces; our friendships click.
But every time I see you pull a stunt like this, it reminds me why I never cared in the first place.
and as much as I hate seeing people hurt, I'm glad I had the opportunity to hurt you. because really...you hurt me so much, with your comments about my family members, your comments about me, your immaturity made everyone laugh, but it killed me inside.
I hate wishing death upon anyone, and I'm sure you've wished it upon me. But i'm not wishing it upon you - that's just immature. as much as you've prayed for me to die, I'm as healthy, as aware of everything as I can be - so put up with it, because I'm not going ANYWHERE.
since I've found my faith and I know what I want and I'm aware that God is so good, he has wonderful things in store for me. while you, for being so grimey, so useless, repulsive, arrogant, ignorant, disgusting and horrid - again, I'm not wishing death upon you - I just hope that when your death comes, you learn a valuable lesson and rot in hell.
I have never felt so horrible after saying that. but if you can do it, so I can I, right? You're such a...bad person. you know exactly who you are. and I know all these things you say to me are done because everything you've ever done to me is nagging at the back of your head, repeatedly reminding you what a disgraceful, son of a fucking bitch you are.
Sincerely, your BIFFLE,
Lynn.

I love you so much. thank you for being there for me during the best of times and the worst of times. deaths, friendships gone awry, and dare I say it, depression.

you are 3 of the greatest men God has created. and I hope one day, you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror, and realize what 3 outstanding boys you are and how many lives you've made a huge impact on. Even if I never get the chance to meet you, I know I'll live on forever smiling away because I spent day and night dreaming and thinking about how wonderful you guys are, and as the days pass by, you only make my love for you grow stronger and bigger.

you boys never cease to amaze me.

god bless you all, from the bottom of my heart.

<3

It was just a thought I wanted to point out, so here I go.

I find it funny that everyone bashes on a girl who hasn't even done ONE horrible thing to prove to you she's a wretched girl. And I'm directing this towards Selena.

I have never in all my life heard anything horrible about this young lady to have the whole teenage population against her. Whereas, Miley on the other hand, has tons of girls cheering her on. Miley...Miley Miley Miley. the girl who was caught with a load of naked pictures of herself, and still got away with it? Yet Selena has yet ONE picture of herself being a slut? I mean, really? in all honesty, that's ridiculous. The only reason people hate on Sel is because she had a chance at Nick whereas the girls who bash her and bring her down only WISH they did. Yeah, I love Nick, sure. doesn't mean I have to hate every single girl he dates. I LOVE Selena - the girl is younger than me and I look up to both her and Demi more than any other celebrity. What's wrong with Selena? really? because if you find one horrible thing to say about her, there's a post comment button below. convince me that this 16 year old is a horrible person. Oh, because charity work is HORRIBLE , right? Family-oriented? call the cops, the girl can't love her mother!
Really, guys? grow the hell up. The only reason you dislike her is because she's one of the greatest people to hit Disney and is sweet as hell. All because you're accustomed to your usual dose of sluts doesn't mean you have to hate on one that isn't. Maybe if you stop the hate for once you can realize that I'm right. I wish everyone could forget about those girls and get a good dose of Selena. Not only does she give a helping hand but she's such a beautiful girl inside and out. she deserves the fame that Miley has, if not, more.

I love Selena, haters to the left!

because it came to me.

As time passes, I begin to realize how much I've changed. every waking moment I change more and more - and it's all for the better. I'm pretty proud of myself for choosing the correct path, not counting on anyone but myself, and having my faith as my number one priority.
My Mom always told me, ever since I was little girl, not to trust anyone but myself and her. I never payed attention - which lead me to getting extremely hurt.
No one is your best friend - I think everyone should be aware of that. I've gone to and fro on the quest for one but it just DOESN'T happen. your best friend is yourself, and God himself. believe it or not, the man is always there for you. when you're in your room by yourself, crying your eyes out because what one person's words can do to you - think of him. speak to him. in all sincerity, even if it doesn't seem like it, He will respond. and he will do it in a positive way because he doesn't want you sad. He wants all his children happy.
At first I was a bit iffy about my religion - I didn't know what to believe in. I was confused and all I wanted was someone to tell me what's really going on.
No one can do that for you though. but you know what? in all that mess, I realized something - I was getting close to him. in all that research and curiosity I grew such love for him, and now all I think about is him. all I can do is wonder what it's like to be with him. he's saved me from myself and I thank him so much every day.
as much as I don't show it, in the back of my head he's always there. I always think of things, always wonder.
I was in a clinical state of depression (not really...but I put it that way because it was pretty bad) for a long time, and that was pretty recent, I guess you could say. I didn't have anyone - anyone but my Mother herself. but with all the problems everyone is facing I didn't want to dump it all on her. so I stayed to myself, which consisted of weeping myself to sleep and feeling like I didn't even belong here.
that is, until I realized there's one person who was always there for me. I followed him, read his word, and as time progressed, I noticed that I was backing away from all that was evil and focusing on the positivity.
and you know what? Now I'm extremely happy for that - sure, not many people talk to me as much as before. But I don't care. I really don't. because I'm starting to realize that those who have always been there for me, God included, will never leave my side. and that's all I need - a small amount of people that'll never leave my side. because in the end, the only people you need are God and Yourself.
and in my case, Mom included.
Goodnight xoxo

Something I've been wanting to do.

List of unkown things of yours truly:

• I am extremely fond if English Literature. I find so much to it, and although it bores those of my age, I don't care - I'd pass a Gossip Girl book to read something written by James Joyce anyday.
• My life revolves more around the Jonas Brothers than anything else; and the strange part about it? It's made me more independent. do not ask me how it's come about this - because even I can't tell you.
• I get sentimental when I listen to an overly talented musician. i.e. Bob Dylan. play 'Like a Rolling Stone' repeatedly on your music player and tell me you won't shed a tear.
• I've never been in love and don't plan on it anytime soon.
• I cried from afternoon - night when I found out Michael Jackson passed. I even lit him a candle and said my prayers.
• I believe God has something special in store for me. maybe completely irrelevant to anything I might want at the moment, but I know it's something good.
• I can't have my bedroom door open while I sleep - it creeps me out.
• I need to listen to music ALWAYS before I go to sleep. I am a musicholic and damn proud of it.
• I was the only girl in school that during silent reading (I have no idea why, at the age of 17, it is necessary to read silently in every class for 30 minutes) I'd read a Sports Illustrated magazine while everyone read a textbook because they were too irresponsible to bring their reading materials.
• I hate 95% of my school, which explains why I don't hang out with many people. I'm not anti-social ; I just get annoyed easily. therefore, Southwest Miami Senior High can suck a corndog.
• I can guarantee you there is no one, NO ONE, in school or anywhere like me. trust me - even I wonder if I'm really from here.
• I'd pass a water offer over Diet Coke anyday.
• I can't leave my house without my bed being made ; it makes me feel trashy.
• When I'm on the computer, 98% of the time out of 100 is me doing something Jonas Brothers related. the other 2% is taken up by my nerdy doings.
• I don't want to live here. I want to move up North and detach myself from everything associated with a Cuban. as much as I love being Cuban - too much of it gets me dizzy.
• I miss Something Corporate. not too long ago I was at the gym playing Something Corporate's Konstantine on repeat and nearly broke down right there.
• which is why I switched it to Brand New.
• I'm a little paranoid and I hate to admit it. but it seems like I just did.

It's impossible...

to be this gorgeous at 16.


really, honey? because I was sixteen once. and not too long ago, actually. and all the boys that surrounded me that were 16 were nothing, nothing, compared to how fucking beautiful you look.
Keep it up, bb. I want that look on our wedding day.

Love,
Lynn

School has officially come to an end.

Well, technically. I still have a year in the works but, 3 months without dreaded high school is awfully exciting.
I am blogging from my 6th period class. there is no one in here. my teacher left with her younger sister to go pick up some key for her classroom and is bringing us back Dunkin' Donuts.
the door is locked, Quantom of Solace is playing on her wide-screen (yes, WIDE-SCREEN) and I can yell and talk to myself all I want without seeming weird because, hell...I want to.
and I'm alone.
Oh, it just hit me.
So I'm pretty much in a tizzy for this summer. so many concerts to attend, exciting events, etc. really though, it's going to be one hell of a summer.
and I finally don't have to deal with the stress and drama that's also known as my group of friends. I'm kind of relieved that I gave up on them and kind of moved on to bigger and better things, definitely becoming more independent. because in all honesty, who's going to care about you in college?
so why stress it now? It's no big deal. the only thing you're going to give a shit about is what your professors ask you to do and what they'll think of you. no one gives a damn if you talked crap about their best friend or if you said something you werent' supposed to say to her after she told you not to because she's a jerk and you suck dick and blahblahblah345646YEIOJ NO ONE GIVES A FUCK.
So yeah, one more year that I'm pretty positive I can handle, and I'm out of this baby! yeehaw!
alright, I'm gonna finish up Quantum of Solace for the 45689345 time, L8er sk8erz~

Cross that line.

This year has been yet another hectic school year. from mind-blowing projects to unecessary problems with friendships, I think I can say it's been one hell of a school year.
to the people who have stuck by me since the beginning -
Thank you for putting up with my crap. I've been a bit skitzophrenic (no offense to those who are, I am SO SORRY) but you've been by my side and dealt with it. In all honesty, thank you so much. it shows how alot of you are true friends and have helped me through these pits of hell I call my past life. but as of now, I'm doing swell and I wouldn't be here today without you guys. you know who you are. and if you think you're in this section and basking in the glory, think again. a big percentage of you have only used me to my advantage, and I've been way too nice to you douchebags.
So even though this is just a blog, that no one reads, I still feel a necessity to say this:
a large amount of you are so full of it, I hope you realize how you really are, and so do all the other genuine people around you, and drop you like a bomb because you don't deserve the friendships you have with certain people. My prayers go out to you, to change your ways, and realize who was there in your time of need, and to stop considering them as a little person. but my best regards to you.

All in all, this summer is going to be fantastic. I will drift away from all those scumbags and live my life on my own, in my own world, doing my own thing. and I feel it's going to be one hell of a joy ride.

Dis mah gurl.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C6dk5iETmw

click that.

seriously. everytime I watch this I still squeal. Talent brah, it's talent.

It's like vines I can't untangle.

*insert excited / perplexed face of mine here.*
new Jonas Brothers single is, well, all I can say is 1 word : EXTRAORDINARY.
I mean, it's nothing , nothing, compared to their old stuff, but I do have to say it's magical. I can not wait to get that CD in my mailbox and blast it all summer straight till August 19th. Now I have another thing to look up to this summer.
So to begin with!
I had a huge scare this week. the $855 worth high school ring of mine was "lost", I searched to and fro for that silly thing and my mother ended up finding it in the place I searched the most. I believe it's that your nerves are what rack your brain and make you go crazy. I had an 'Alchemist' moment, where I felt like I had to search everywhere for something when it was right before my eyes.
on to something else;
I have passed my FCAT! after many failed attempts, I now have to never worry about that test anymore, although I do have to take my SAT (not that I do, it's just my decision) and my ACT. I'm not going to college with the mentality of a squirrel. Thank you.
my week was pretty swell. Minus the fact that I could've been in the Bahamas this weekend, watching the Jonas Brothers, but no such luck with that.
Oh well, I still have August.
I hope.

10 things I'd like to do by the end of the year.

Hmph, here it goes:

1. Roadtrip with a group of close friends.

2. Win a bet.

3. play a one-on-one game of Basketball with a loved one, and win. (if I ever do fall in love by this year. pretty impossible.)

4. read a whole book in one day. with my busy schedule, I doubt I can do it. but I'm up for the challenge.

5. prove everyone wrong. no example necessary.

6. grow my hair.

7. Win a meet & greet. a specific meet & greet, actually. You know how in a list of short-term goals there's always that one out of the ten that's always going to be insurmountable? this one is definitely it.

8. get myself a nice figure. jelly in da' belly isn't attractive.

9.Have my connection with God grow more. so far so great.

10. Prove the world who I really am, and make over 10 people drop the judgemental act.

Goodnight moon.

What the world needs now, is love sweet love.

Just saw the 3 minute preview for Zooey Deschanel's 'Catch a Tuesday'. phenomenal! Zooey is brilliant. it's definitely on my list of what to see.
checked out a book on Mythology today. I'm definitely reading it soon, just have 2 other books in line waiting to get opened. Hmph, I wonder how I'll be able to manage that.
It's also a very peculiar thing. I was just doing my daily daydreaming when I came across the thought of living in the meat packing district later on in life with a certain one and attending my arts course in NYU.
I smiled. I'm actually still smiling at the thought.

I jammed my finger playing Football not too long ago, also. Out of all the people that could've caught the ball, I decided to be the hero and ended up being the damsel in distress. not such a pin-point simile but it's the best I could come up with.

OH, wonderful news! For me, I guess. I was lounging through my great aunt's box of vintage clothing and accessories she never wears and found the most gorgeous pair of YSL sunglasses! they are phenomenal, I'll probably take a picture of them (or with them on) soon. I think it's my new fave accessory of the month.

I have an obsession with this blogtv thing called "Beautiful stranger." shows random girls in midtown Manhattan with wonderful styles. describes their occupation and the items they're wearing and what designer it's from. great fashion tips!

there is a present waiting for me in the living room on the couch. it's calling me over. I think I shall open it.

Sad to say.

I've got my permit exam on Wednesday and I haven't studied a thing.
But on a brighter note, what the hell, THE HILLS starts today, a brand spanking new season. do you have any possible idea how effing excited I am?!
As for now, though, there's a marathon of the show going on. so I'm pretty happy, sippin' on my Grande caffe vanilla frappuccino wrapped in a blanket.
So my mom comes in my room this morning asking if I know anything about ColdPlay being on tour. I reply with a "No, why?"
she responds, "Oh, I really like them, let me know if they're ever in town so we can go see them!"
Is that even normal? a parent-no, scratch that, my mother telling me she wants to go to a ColdPlay concert?
I am rather proud of her.

Elijah Wood, really?

As I came across someone's blog, I encountered this :


Elijah Wood, gotta get mad hyped up.
So I woke up this morning feeling rather...cozy, per say. All I wanted to do was drink a venti coffee with a double shot of expresso and study for my SAT's, which I have yet to sign up for. but above all odds, I will soon. I'm just dirt poor that I can barely cough up $40 bucks for a test. I just payed near $50 for my driver's exam, which I'm taking on Wednesday. it's about time.
I'm in a grand mood to watch The City and eat a box of pizza.
Spring break has officially begun and I have yet to do anything out of the ordinary. sucks big time. I'll probably go to the beach once in a while, then I have football practice for our tournament on April 16th. which I'm kind of nervous about, our competition isn't all hunky dory. but I don't care, I'll take them all down.
Well, I think I might just do what I said I felt like doing. minus the pizza, Hence what I just mentioned, I'm broke as hail.

I'm frustrated.

I don't get angry easily as much as before, but now I have every freaking reason to get pissed off. Everyone loves to take advantage of me, and I'm way to damn nice to everyone. I've tried to stop, but it's straneous. And not physically, of course. People tend to walk all over me and then when I try not to get stomped all over, always telling myself "alright, this is the last time." That's foolish. It isn't the last time. But now I feel like it is.for some reason, there's a certain person that always gets angry at me. For no particular reason she just gets ... Angry. Oh well, things happen. I can live, especially after realizing who my true friends are. I'm ready for it world, bring it on.

Am I the only person that thinks Ne-yo is so fantastic?

What talent, dude.
Anywho,
My birthday was last friday. I can't complain, really. some people would've wanted a party or have a nightclub throw them some event, which is proposterous, but I had a great time. Who knew Denny's would be so awesome for a birthday? it was wonderful, and the fact that everyone showed up, made it all better. I really can't complain about my friends.
On another note, I can tell my life is going to get better. I don't know, I just sense it. I'm getting a new phone tomorrow, I'm training with Lisbett on Wednesdays and Mondays, and Friday I'm cutting my hair. I'm rather excited.
Next Saturday I have a fashion show, I've never been in one, and I'm really pumped about it. Hopefully all goes well, and I hope I don't curse this week or the next. Something in my gut tells me it's going to be sick 2 weeks. and on top of that, Spring Break is coming soon. can life get any better?
Negative thing about this weekend : Sunburn on the back of my legs. ONLY. in like, certain parts. it looks like I got an island stencil and decided to draw the 7 continents on the back of my leg. I don't know how that functions, but my unproportional body brings along unproportional events.

I'm tired. I've actually been pretty golly this week, but extremely stressed with this whole film. Which, we finally finished filming. it was a one day thing, 12 noon till 10 p.m. then IHOP with the cast and crew,meaning:
- going to sleep at 3 a.m , oblivious to
- the time changes. Why the hell do we need time changes? I heard it's some crap about saving daylight, no big deal, we're killing the earth every second that passes by anyway.
- on top of being oblivious to the time change, waking up at 9 a.m (when, in reality it was actually 8 a.m) to go to church;
And I honestly don't mind attending church, really. but, it's sleep. sleep is , my anti-drug. I guess I could state it that way.
Predominantly speaking, I can live today. I'm going to the annual latin jazz festival today, and I've been dying for that to come around. I know that cheers me up. Music always satisfies my repulsive mood. when I have them, to say the least.
On to something else, my birthday is on friday. I've learned that as years progress, and as you get older, you really don't care what you want people to buy you as a gift anymore. It always used to be dolls, or whatnot, now I asked my mom for a haircut. I really need a haircut. I look gruesome. harsh word, but seriously, my hair is exaggeratedly gruesome.
So that's basically all i've asked for. and a nice dinner with a handful of close friends would lavish my mood a bit.
as of this weekend? a very, derelict weekend.
bye ya'll.

what will happen to a face in the crowd, when it finally gets too crowded?

Oh, the lack of updates. how will I live with the guilt!
I've had to put up with a crapload of dumb people, well actually no, peculiarly one person, but seriously, I'm not in the mood for attention-seeking, I have a feeling this weekend is going to be a tad gloomy.
I'm annoyed, tired, & not in the mood to put up with anyone's crap this week.
I first get this aspect of a total creep, thahks to people and their big mouths. then, I have a load of homework I really don't want to do, and I have the pressure of the film for the festival this week.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm so excited, but I guess I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. and most certainly, will be waking up on the wrong side of the bed the rest of this week.
On top of that, I'm feeling extremely guilty making plans every weekend and having my mother spare me 20 or 30 dollars knowing she's unemployed. trust me, it kills me inside, okay seriously, now I feel guilty for writing this.
Moving on to something else.
I'm trying to do so many things to take my mind off of that certain...someone. Really though, it sucks when everything start to become almost perfect, and completely crushes down.

I miss your gaze averted towards my silhouette.
xo love.

Blogging is so addicting.

Really, though. It's like, as of 2 days ago, I have to blog before I go to bed. If I don't, I feel like I'm missing an arm or a leg. isn't that odd? I used to be that way during the whole LiveJournal era, but that definitely died down ever since MySpace skyrocketed.

But of course, I'm not here to talk about websites. Today is my "let's talk about how much crushes suck." really, though. I hate when I start gaining attraction for someone. that weird feeling when the person passes by you, I absolutely despise that feeling. I try to avoid it. but the more I see this certain character the worse the feeling gets. really, I think that's the hardest feeling to avoid. and what really agitates me is as much as I don't want to see this person, how much I want to get over this person, (you know, you try not to see him or her because you believe that the less you see them your feelings will start to decrease) but then, I feel like if I don't see him, I can't really normally till the next morning where I'll hope to see him. Weird, right ? that's why I hate crushing on men. that's why I've always preferred to be single. I mean, I've been single for 16 years, and look, I'm great!

I think I'm out for the night. I just wanted to let a little bit of steam off.

goodnight earth.

Stupidity is without anxiety.

I am annoyed with humans. sometimes I wish I could convert myself into another type of mammal.

Being an animal seems way too easy.

I even get annoyed with my own self sometimes. It's normal, though. happens to everyone.
Certain people get on my nerves sometimes, like this one ... human, for example, that I'd rather not mention ITS name. because it IS the Internet...only God knows what could happen.

Anywho,
if I ever have an away message up regarding someone else, or something that I'M doing, "it" loves to ask what it is , who is this certain person I'm ascerting, etc.
Is it really it's business to be asking these questions that obviously have nothing to do with "it" since it's definitely not regarding towards "IT" , and of course doesn't have ITS name written all over it?
I probably sound like the most annoying, ranting, human being ever but there's certain things I can't contain in me that I'd rather just blog about .
Oh ANOTHER thing , am I the only person that despises group projects?
I was just assigned a project for History on "1920's slang" (mind you, this project was assigned about ... 2 minutes before the bell rung? someone explain this to me.) and of course, I'm always stuck doing basically 75% of the project? thank god one of my partners did the definitions, but the most un-artistic person is stuck doing the drawing that pertain the definitions and I have to do a little booklet that looks like a dictionary.

what the hell is this, 4th grade?
But anyway, it's High School , I guess. well... it's Southwest. that makes more sense.
Oh yeah and I always want what I can't have. isn't that splendid? happens to the best of us. HA.
I'm out, to finish this damn project that's going to take me a good 3 hours since I obviously CAN NOT draw.

Oh, P.S thought I should so share this with you:

Drew is my hero really.

dear gravity, you've held me down in this starlit city.

Never in my life have I felt so incredibly inadequate.
I always try to fulfill the promises I make towards myself but I have one big problem, and that's laziness.
I'm soo inclined towards everything, I've lost interest in so many different things that it's upsetting me.
So from now one I've made a promise towards myself and my actions :
Everytime I say I'm going to do something, I'M GOING TO DO IT.
I'm really sick of saying I'm going to do something repeatedly, and I don't do it, only to regret it later.
I have also come to realize that whenever you want certain things in life, it's always going to end up being what you're never going to have, as much as it hurts.
So I guess it's time to let go, as the oh so spectacular Frou-Frou once said, and move on.
So all I'm going to do is keep listening to Bob Dylan repeatedly and snack on carrots. Yum, delish.